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(no subject) [Feb. 23rd, 2011|09:56 pm]
Dear self,

Having money does not mean you are allowed to run around on a crazed insomnia induced spending spree. Not even a little bit.

Kindly remember that.


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(no subject) [Feb. 19th, 2011|08:31 pm]
Fuuuck my mood swings lately I swear.

I wish they were normal mood swings. Like... now I am happy, now I am angry, now I am sad.

Instead I get crazy bipolar moments. Like... I feel wonderful. Everything about life is fucking awesome. So awesome and amazing that I just sit there with this dumb happy grin and do nothing whilst feeling like this is the best moment of my life.

Than panic sets in. Like cold-sweat and shaking panic. Paranoia. Can't breath I'm so fucked up.

Than after a time of numbness, the world is suddenly incredible again.

So in short...

Dear brain,

Pick one already.


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(no subject) [Dec. 15th, 2010|12:34 am]

So haven't posted in like... forever maybe? And this one is to complain. So don't bother reading it unless your prepped for crazy rant about nothing important.


Dear customers

It is my job to serve you. I do so in the most happy and polite manner that I can muster, regardless of how I am currently feeling. However, when you begin to scream at me or my coworkers for things that are your own fault, I hate you. A lot.

Firstly to the crazy customer who decided to scream at me the other day. You walked into the store while I was trying to eat. That's fine. While you were browsing the store to get your drinks and snacks, I washed my hands than waited for you at the register. You were polite at first. We exchanged the required pleasantries, joked about how hard it is to find parking this time of year, and whined a bit about how cold it is out. This is the typical flow of conversation one would expect. You hand me a $100 bill, I count out your change, all is good with the world. Have a great day! So you are now walking out the door, I quickly rinse off my hands in the sink and go back to trying to eat my sandwich. SUDDENLY YOU ARE SCREAMING!?!? I assure you sir that I did not wash my hands under the belief that you are a filthy human person. That thought did not cross my mind. But I am eating finger food. And money is rather disgusting. Not your money in particular, but just in general money is a filthy item. This is flu season. I am unhealthy enough without catching a cold over something so stupid as not washing my hands. Something EVERYONE should do before they pick up food.

Than you just got crazier...

Yes sir I am allowed to eat while working. Is this so surprising? I do not expect you to know that I am in the middle of a 10 hour shift and this is my first meal since yesterday. I was happy enough to explain to you that I have a stomach condition and I need to eat at specific times (or constantly). This isn't something you really need to care about. But still... the 'what if I hadn't come here to buy what I came here for and I had to wait because you were eating?' This is purely hypothetical. And you didn't have to wait. Your 'what-if' situations hold no value to me. Please leave and let me eat my sandwich.

Also, whats with you lottery customers lately?

The lottery is running a promotion right now. Basically if you purchase a $5 play in certain games, you will also get a free raffle ticket. The raffle draws for prizes of $500, $10,000 , 25,000 , and 50,000. Again, this ticket is free. Meaning I did not charge you for it. Do not scream about it or throw it at me.

Also, this should be soooooo fucking obvious but still you try!

NO REFUNDS ON LOTTERY! You bought a ticket, you lost. No I will not refund you because you picked a losing ticket. That isn't how lottery works. The vast majority of lottery tickets are losers. The state makes more money selling the tickets than it pays out. I am not stealing from you, I am not forcing you to gamble. There is always the risk that you will lose, thats what gambling is.

To all you loser fucking teenagers out there. I do not want to hear any version of this.

"So like.... what would you do if I was here to rob you?"

That is not a smart thing to do. When I monotonously recite that should you attempt to rob me I will stab you, laugh all you want. While that knife is actually intended for cutting onions, I assume it will work even better on human flesh. You are not cute. Also please stop asking for my phone number. I don't like you.

To my coworkers:

I do not make the schedule, do not bitch to me about my getting more hours than you. I will always have at least 40hours. This is because I am full time. I do not pick and choose these hours though, bossman does, so lodge any and all complaints with him.

Please show up on time for your shifts. Not 30 minutes late, or (whhyyyyyyy???) 30 minutes early. I do not want to wait around for your sorry ass, I have things to do with my life that don't involve work.

Do not whine to me about the our other coworkers. If you have a complaint talk to the boss.

Please, please, do not badmouth the customers or discuss how you might enjoy fucking them to me in quiet whispers. This is not polite. I do not want to hear it. It does not make me happy when you bitch about having to help a reliable, extremely friendly customer because she 'looks like an orange monkey.' You need to fuck off and go die.


I give up, this rant has gone on long enough, even if it could go forever.
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(no subject) [Aug. 21st, 2010|10:03 pm]
According to my doctor I can blame like... 90% of my life's problems on the numerous head injuries I've collected over the years. Even some things I didn't really look at as problems, but still fall under the PCS.

So like.... apparently my near complete disinterest in sex can be attributed to that. Decreased Libido. Which can last months to years, longer if there are multiple concussions.

Also causes:

Loss of social judgement. IE my ability to socialize with friends and the like in an acceptable manner.

Irritability, anger, depression, restlessness, mood swings, anger, and restlessness

Apathy, lack of motivation

Emotional lability : being uncontrollable crying for things that are only marginally sad.

Loss of socialization skills.

He also attributes my frustration with drawing/writing/other detailed oriented tasks as signs of attention problems, problems with abstract thought, slowed reaction and conclusion reaching.

Then there is of course:

Insomnia, headaches, migraines, increased dizziness when standing or sitting.


And now that my paranoia has been fed upon once again by my doctor, its gonna be worry worry worry over what if anything is really just because I've fucked up my brain one too many times, or I'm crazy all on my very own.

See.... my question to him was "I get migraines all the time. Like every other day now. Is there any way to prevent that?"

He never answered that question ;A; just lectured me about taking better care of myself and not getting so many damned concussions.
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(no subject) [Jun. 7th, 2010|07:00 pm]
blaaaaaaaaaaarg I hate reading manga sometimes D<

I mean... I love it... but it isn't cool that I read faster than new pages appear.

Same goes for anime.

Stuck in the middle of 6 different mangas and their respective animes because they aren't finished yet.

damn @-@
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(no subject) [May. 10th, 2010|11:56 am]
Apparently if I take 1000mg of high strength pain killers, I get about an hour of use out of my arm.

Than it aaaaaaall comes back at once.

But I got a new job, so my arm can go fuck off.

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(no subject) [May. 7th, 2010|07:27 pm]
So as things tend to happen in my home, the moment I am rendered incapable of something, it is in sudden high demand.

Will I do the dishes? No, I have only one usable hand. Also my mom doesn't like anyone else doing it.

Vacuum? Mop? Any other of the numerous tasks that are far easier with two hands that I'd otherwise never be asked to do? I really don't think so.

What's really driving me crazy is his renewed interest in me finding another job. Or more like... he has a copy of my resume and has been spamming it. Knowing this before people started calling to get me to schedule an interview would have been kinda cool. But more importantly, I cannot at this very moment, be expected to do well in any sort of data entry job. Typing one handed is slow, and I can't write with either hand.

It's a little bit stupid to get bitched at for not wanting to ruin my chances of ever getting a job at certain companies because the nerves in my arm are so fried I can't even sign my name.
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(no subject) [May. 6th, 2010|01:51 am]
I love how like... I can spend three weeks doing nothing but watch anime and be happily unproductive. Than its like... you have carpal tunnel, no using your right hand for the next couple weeks. And now I can't even look at the tv without wanting to smash it. I'm so restless its driving me crazy.

Also, seriously... how is it that I can spend years doing small repetitive hand motions, drawing, writing, typing, cashiering, and its only when I stop doing most of that shit that I get the problem those motions tend to cause.

Stupid arm <-
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(no subject) [Apr. 30th, 2010|02:50 am]
Got something wierd going on with my hand these past two weeks or so. Some sort of muscle problem I guess maybe? Its my favorite hand too. Its really weak and I get the shakes real bad if I try to grip anything, and I can only make a fist for a few seconds tops. Also if I'm not using it and its just resting there, the muscles spasm. Doesnt hurt or anything, its just frustratingly useless.

Means another trip to the doctor if it keeps it up or gets worse. I fucking hate the doctor.
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(no subject) [Apr. 28th, 2010|08:04 pm]

Been sick. Filled with rage.

Tried to call out of work yesterday. Cause fevers are more fun when you're not at work. Not by much, but enough to count. I was informed when I called in at 9am that no one wanted my 5pm shift, and if I really wanted the time off I should have asked earlier. So I go in to do the shift anyways with my lovely 101.4 fever and Renee is there.

"Wow, you look like shit. By the way I told Dan you'd mop the floor."
"....... okay....."
"Also I didn't have time to clean the bathroom and someone needs to put the inventory in these boxes on the shelf."
"....." *stare*

Needless to say, I didn't do any of that shit. Because... hmmmmmm... go figure, I was sick.

So when Renee called me this morning and asked if I'd take her shift, cause she was hungover, I told her I was sick and couldn't do it. Then I got a text from the boss bitching me out for not being a team player. Told her next time I'd plan my sick days at least two weeks in advance as company policy says time off should be requested.

I finished Bleach. At least to its current on the websites I use for anime and mangas. Gonna watch the movies, than continue where I left off with One Piece since I'm current with the manga, but need to catch up with the anime.

Fighting with my dad over whether or not me being unable to eat tomatoes without getting sick also means that I cannot eat things cooked in tomato sauce without also getting sick. Gah.
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